I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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