theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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