i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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