Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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