i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm determined to sit on that face.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
