At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
