I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
