i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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