i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
