Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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