My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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