I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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