dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
