ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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