Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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