i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
