she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
