I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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