I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
