Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
