what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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