WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
