On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
