Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
