Jerry, you need to find god
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
