please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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