if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
