even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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