you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
birth control should be required to get into college
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
