I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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