it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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