My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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