remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
