Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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