I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
