my soul wont recognize me after tonight
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
