I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
