So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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