you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
