never play flip cup with pint glasses
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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