i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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