i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Never joke about your clitoris.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
