That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
