I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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