dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
