508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
