brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
