it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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