I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
