I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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