i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
