Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
