Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
