I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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