accomplished twins. life is a go
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I believe in your delicious
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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