The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I use my feet as sexual weapons
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
