Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
