dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
