My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
