i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
this is an emotional support booty call
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
