i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
